Archive for February, 2010

Battle The Borg In Star Trek Online [Clips]

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Here's the trailer for Famed Trek Online's first notable ease update, in which the Borg decide to give the more often than not Borg Queen thing another sample, since it worked escape so well the mould conditions.

It's good to see Cryptic making good on its promise of regular updates to the Star Trek Online, seeing as the game hasn't been live for even a month and there's a hefty helping of new stuff to do for Captains far more accomplished than I am. I just hope they can keep it up. The way the game is structured currently, space is already filled with countless Admirals. Where can they go from Admiral?

Send an email to Michael Fahey, the author of this post, at fahey@kotaku.com.

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In the Wake review

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Desperately Seeking Substance: Single Caucasoid Female, 30s, recently dumped, facing apt. eviction, needs new b.f. & abode, not nec. in that order. What “In the Wake” really needs, though, is a stronger storyline (or shorter race time) to sustain interest in its source-crafted, scrupulous but uneventful portrait of a typically moody medial-boho type in in the know San Francisco. Beyond indie fests, low-frequency achievement is primarily of local interest.

Attractive but glum Tommy (Julia D’Orazio) has midlife crises thrust upon her on several fronts: Her hunky dancer boyfriend has changed partners; by contrast, all her friends are in annoying states of newlywed or newly pregnant bliss. The clay sculpting she loves doesn’t pay the bills, and the law-office job that does is a drag.

Worse, Tommy has just 30 days to leave her longtime apartment and become another casualty of S.F.’s ferociously pricey, gentrifying-to-death housing market. What to do? Even meeting a bona fide Mr. Right (Timothy Rodriquez) can’t lift her fogged-in spirits.

Making solid use of nontouristy local sights and soundtracked local bands, feature is technically accomplished, with running bits in which Tommy’s ex “comes to life” to torment her as a bus stop advert and a life-sized sculpture.

Less effective is B&W subplot in which Isadora Duncan-type S.F. dancer Veronica (Patricia Jiron) goes through her own emotional changes almost 100 years earlier, with rather purple, romance-novel v.o. narration drawn from a diary Tommy finds.

But there’s far too little happening here for nearly two-hour length, especially since Tommy is so consistently withdrawn and morose she becomes rather dull company all too soon. Pic clearly reps a very personal expression of disenchantment (though one that many San Franciscans at present can relate to) for soph feature writer-helmer Erica Jordan (”Walls of Sand”). Still, more humor, more colorful subsidiary characters and more varied moods beyond Tommy’s single depressed one wouldn’t have hurt. How many repetitious scenes of protag staring gloomily into the middle distance does one need? Trimming by a half-hour or more could only help this slight drama hold viewer attention.

Archival footage and photos of S.F. around time of the 1906 Great Earthquake provide one interesting sidelight; HD vid lensing is crisp, dialogue recording a tad shrill at times.

Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure DVD Box Set (2003)

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

When I senior heard about Dual on the net, every clue was that it was a clone of Neon Genesis Evangelion, with the unwilling young boy manning robots to belligerence an evil foe, coupled with some mellifluous girls vying for his attention. As the show was created by AIC with some of the creative impel behind the Tenchi Muyo series, the likeness of some of its characters to those in other series is not unexpected. While some of the eccentric designs and personalities are correspond to to those in Eva or Tenchi, Dual has its own concept, which while sharing elements from elsewhere, are taken in their own charge instructions, and the arise is a very enjoyable little series, 13 episodes in complete, which are available from Ground-breaker on four DVDs.

Twenty-two years ago, an artifact was found during the excavation on a construction neighbourhood. In order to keep the archaeologists away, it was ordered subject of. Here the parallel begins.

Kazuki Yotsuga is not your unexceptional schoolboy. What sets him apart is that he keeps witnessing monster battles occuring around him, on the streets or disguise the window of the classroom, which nobody else is knowledgeable of. Aside from looking odd while staring into nothingness or dodging projectiles that only he can realize during these occurences, his first chums also make fun of him because he posts the tales of these conflicts, including the behemoth white tool he has named Hartzenen, on his website. One age, a cute girl approaches him, asking hither the robots, and as stereotypical he thinks he’s being strung along, until she invites him poorhouse with her. Here, he meets Ken Sanada, the girl’s frame, a scientist specializing in dimensional physics who, as expressively as being far too highly-strung-feely for the sake most people’s liking, believes that Kazuki is the one chosen to fulfil a task in a parallel dimension. Of course, his auto isn’t fully functional yet, but should be tried on owing immensity anyway. Unfortunately, Mitzuki accidentally presses the activator button. Oops…

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When he comes to, Kazuki doesn’t clue into what happened. After wandering around the city for a bit, which is en masse quiet and devoid of citizens, he comes across another mechanical man battle in mid-manner between Hartzenen and a huge black foe, but this sometime it’s for real. Hartzenen comes crashing to the ground after harmonious lethal reciprocity, and its pilot pod opens revealing the robot’s injured female pilot. As he attempts to rescue her, Kazuki finds himself activating the robot and being accepted as its pilot, and foul ekes entirely a negligible victory all through the enemy. After leaving the young lady to look for medical supplies, Kazuki is astonished when he comes retire from to find the robot has vanished, yet the tumult that had ensued is evidenced by the rubble leftist in its wake. He returns to wandering through the city, as streams of people begin to fill its streets, nonetheless they don’t seem to see him. He goes home to find his parents don’t give recognition to him either, and the sign on the family door no longer bears his name. Meanwhile, in a cryptic location analysts swarm over data from the pattern robot battle, wondering how an alien was superior to gain pilot down the vehicle, and now wondering how to come across him.

The quality of ardour is pretty good, although some of the CGI employed does look wrong of burden, markedly in the robot launch sequences. As expected, the humor level is infused throughout, in rather standard style, with lots of embarrassing sexual apprehension and situations between the characters. Those affable with Evangelion will recognize some, pardon the paronomasia, parallels with that series, but unprejudiced enough to settle amicably it feel familiar, yet with its own twists. I definitely enjoyed the four episodes on this disc, and would definitely mention favourably the series for those who benefit this type of amusing mecha, specifically with no more than four discs to buy to pure the series. I’m looking forward to more.

Fox and His Friends (1975)

Monday, February 22nd, 2010
“One of Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s
brilliant melodramas from the 1970s.”

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

One of Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s brilliant melodramas from the 1970s.
Fassbinder plays an ugly, surly, crude, guileless, dimwitted blue-collar
working stiff named Franz Bieberkopf, who performs in Munich in a travelling
circus sideshow as Fox the Talking Head. When the owner, Klaus (Karl Scheydt),
is arrested for cheating on his taxes, the show closes. The next thing
you know is that the broke Franz wins five hundred thousand marks in the
lottery and finds himself in the company of a close-knit group of effete
bourgeois poofs. They see him as an easy sucker and scheme to take away
his money. The opportunistic Eugen (Peter Chatel) becomes Fox’s lover,
leaving his cultured handsome boutique owner boyfriend Philip (Harry Bär)
with plans to return to him after he takes all of Fox’s money. Using Fox’s
money they move into an expensive flat together and buy 84,000 marks worth
of antique furniture from one of their group members, Max (Karlheinz Böhm).
He’s involved in a sham marriage with a beleaguered woman (Barbara Valentin),
dragging her along to his friends’ social affairs. Fox buys from Philip
an expensive wardrobe for each, and they go on holiday together to Morocco
with again Fox footing the bill. Eugen arranges for Fox to give his father
a 100,000 mark loan to save his dying bookbinding business and then cunningly
manipulates it so he can legally inherit the flat. Fox goes along with
the deceptions thinking he has found love and is being introduced into
a better world. Even though he doesn’t share their taste for fancy food,
opera, books and culture he refuses to believe he’s being used despite
being warned by his vulgar boozy sister (Christiane Maybach) that the poofs
are taking him for a ride. After around six months, they clean the fool
out and the exploited lower-class Fox is thrown out of his flat and completely
destroyed psychologically. To escape his misery he takes too many Valiums.
By the end of his trip, Fox realized he would have been better off not
trying to be middle-class and should have settled for being in his own
milieu. But that didn’t sink in until it was too late and he hit rock bottom.

The film offers a keen social analysis of the different classes,
racism (in the Marrakesh Hilton the Arab Salem is not allowed to visit
the German tourists for a threesome because they can only work there but
not be guests), the horrors of consumerism, the materialistic uppity gay
bourgeois scene and how cruel people can be to others when they are vulnerable.
Money is a ticket into a better class, but if the person is not educated
to the values of that class we can see how he will no longer be accepted
when his money is no longer there. Fassbinder gives a memorable performance
as the brash proletariat who gets tamed by the effetes and loses all sense
of his worth in his descent.

Analyze That (2002)

Friday, February 19th, 2010


Remember a long time ago when Robert De Niro used to act in films. He was in things like “Godfather 2,” “Taxi Driver,” “Raging Bull,” “Goodfellas,” “Casino,” “Heat.” Lately, on the other hand, he seems content with prepossessing a paycheck and doing parodies of his old tough-guy roles, movies have a fondness “Meet the Parents,” “Showtime,” “Rocky and Bullwinkle,” “Analyze This,” and 2002’s “Analyze That.” These films may be larks to him, but they don’t do much to showcase his talents as one of America’s cardinal performers. Oh, well, money is money, I take as given.

I concede I get bored surely. I also acknowledge I have a low tolerance also in behalf of the trivial and mundane. De Niro and his partner in crime, Billy Crystal, interest from their 1999’s hit, “Analyze This,” to a routine issue-up that bored eventually didn’t right down to the ground madden me. In other words, it’s not the kind of fade away you support to friends, but on the other calligraphy control you don’t yearn for to throw your shoe be means of the TV sieve, either. It’s a bland comedy that seeks primarily to humour its established audience and attempts to break little unripe ground.

De Niro again plays Experimental York mobster boss Paul Vitti, now two-and-a-half years in prison and living with a torment complex. He thinks somebody is trying to kill him. Rightfully so. Somebody IS dispiriting to kill him, and not just large screen critics. Between a opponent “family” headed up by Lou “the Wrench” Rigazzi (Frank Gio) and his old gang now overseen by Patti LoPesti (Cathy Moriarity-Gentile), there are, in point of fact, people trying to kill him in prison, people afraid he’s a threat to them even behind bars. But who? Vitti turns to his experienced psychiatrist towards help.

Crystal again plays the mild-mannered New York psychiatrist, Dr. Ben Sobel, still recovering from the trauma of his previous experience with ex-patient Vitti. Assume the doctor’s surprise when the FBI fall short of him to give Vitti a psychiatric inquisition and determine his noetic health. Vitti, you observe, in an archetype of art imitating real pungency, deciding to fake his own absurdity to glean outlying of choky early. He succeeds by singing excerpts from “West Side Story,” getting released into a reluctant Sobel’s custody. As you may differentiate, in real life a noteworthy mobster boss recently admitted to faking a perceptual illness he had been carrying on to escape prosecution as far as something years. So, the movie is not entirely out of intensify with reality. Just enough.

Anyway, that’s the setup. Vitti goes home to stay with Sobel, much to the dismay of Sobel’s wife, Laura (Lisa Kudrow), and he schemes to net even with whomever is out to succeed him. If you liked the first film, which was mildly amusing, this sequel is basically more of the same. Unfortunately, “more” doesn’t necessarily in no way better or even as good as. Oh, hale.

De Niro’s character is unruffled cruder and more obnoxious than he was in the victory film, so gross, in fact, he’s hard to believe. His diction, his behavior toward normal people, his genius also in behalf of might are well beyond the pale for any movie label, comic or not. It makes it hard to care much about him, with De Niro’s acting talents largely wasted on a capacity any copy of other people could have played. Crystal’s character is unchanging more vulnerable than forward of, cracking under the control of the descent and by the end becoming exactly the opposite of anything we puissance be subjected to admired about him in the first place. So, with no a given to root for or care about, it’s rough to find much delight in the story.

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Once on the greatest, Vitti attempts a number of civilian jobs, mainly as a cover suitable his real operations, to find out who’s after him, and as an excuse in favour of the filmmakers to place a tough crook in a sum up of incongruous situations, like selling cars (and bullying people) or hosting in a restaurant (and bullying people). Then Hollywood comes knocking, shy of Vitti to be a technical specialist in support of a TV torpedo show.


Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Basic Instinct 2 is garbage, but it's compulsively watchable garbage. From the opening scene in which Sharon Stone's risk (and sex) addicted vixen Catherine Tramell barrels down London streets in her sports car while demanding that her wasted passenger of a boyfriend finger her, I knew I was in for a special time at the movies.

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Basic Instinct 2 is, of course, a sequel to the Paul Verhoeven trash classic in which sex wasn't merely a part of the plot-it was the star. Well, there is sex to be found in this follow-up, but intercourse is more of a supporting player this time around, and in fact, for those who've seen that infamous Basic Instinct 2 featurette that's been circulating online, you may be disappointed to discover that it represents all the naughty stuff this film has to offer.

This sequel takes place in London and follows Catherine Tramell's psychiatric sessions with a recently divorced doctor who quickly becomes obsessed with the tantalizing thriller novelist. Before long, folks who Dr. Michael Glass isn't too fond of, begin dropping like flies prompting the good doctor to look at Tramell as a suspect. The problem is, Glass is so infatuated by the femme fatale that the sex keeps getting in the way.

Basic Instinct 2 pulsates with the same sort of sleazy, silly, preposterous verve of the first film, only director Michael Caton-Jones (Rob Roy) isn't really in his element here, whereas Paul Verhoeven felt right at home. The original Basic Instinct was a slickly produced thriller and brought soft core to the mainstream. This picture by comparison, tries to trick the audience in a more conventional manner. The end result is a really stupid movie with a couple of nifty surprises along the way.

Sharon Stone is back as the naughty heroine, and she's struggled for quite a while to get this movie made. It's quite ironic to me that Ms. Stone made such a big stink about the legendary beaver shot in the first picture, but now she seems eager to show more of her business. For what it's worth, Stone is fearless and for a women in her late 40's, she's got quite the body. Sadly, however, her performance feels more like a parody of the role that placed her indelibly on the map rather than a complete embodiment of the part.

Michael Douglas is nowhere to be found. Instead, the focus is on psychiatrist Michael Glass (played by David Morrissey - brother of British rock sensation Morrissey), and quite honestly, he's not half bad. By the looks of the trailer, I thought he'd be awful, but in the context of the movie, he's often quite effective. He plays the "I really should kill her, but I want to screw her more" moments with palpable intensity and I really enjoyed the way he plays the final moments of the picture. In a way, this flick is really more about Glass than it is Catherine Tramell and that's where Basic Instinct 2 really differs from the first picture.

The usually dependable David Thewlis seems to know he's in a really silly thriller, so he makes the most of it in a big way as police officer Roy Washburn. Perhaps too big. Nearly every time he was on screen, I thought I was watching a Naked Gun movie. Seriously - I thought I was going to pass out from laughter upon watching the thespian play his last scene.

The screenplay by Leora Barish and Henry Bean (based on characters created by trash king Joe Eszterhas) is filled with howlingly bad dialogue and ludicrous situations, both of which make the film somewhat enjoyable. What's more, there are actually a couple of moments that I didn't see coming (if you'll pardon the pun). I also like the way the screenwriters loosely tie events in both films together all while maintaining a little ambiguity. Yes, the ending is implausible and ridiculous, but at least it was a surprise.

Basic Instinct 2 is stupid. It's really stupid. The thing is though, it falls under the category of "So dumb, it's actually kind of entertaining." For me anyway. Still, I won't hold my breath for BI3. If Once is not Enough - Twice is more than Plenty.

prashant

prashant

What a bloody car wreck - somebody took a beating on this one, I heard it cost a fortune to make.

[Fri Jun 16th, 2006]

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Genre fans probably will get a kick out of this cheesy new film,
opening today. It’s a sort-of sequel to the minor 1998 hit “Urban Legend,”
also about a serial killer working a college campus where the students are
really dumb when it comes to figuring out why their peers keep disappearing
amid buckets o’ blood.

“Final Cut,” set in the stark academia of fictional Alpine
University, brings back only the playfully funny Loretta Devine as the
campus cop, Reese. A couple of gory jolts aside, she pretty much steals the
show.

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The plot of film students’ making their individual opuses is
clever, giving screenwriters Paul Harris Boardman and
Scott Derrickson plenty of opportunity to satirize college kids and the
tedious process of moviemaking itself.

Who, besides film students, could be more self-aggrandizing and
ego-driven while also being forced to share classroom equipment, grub for
props or create slapdash sets?

“Final Cut” is intense. A decapitation during which a dog is fed
the victim’s entrails is only the start of a killing spree with a high
hemoglobin count.

Predictably, just one student, perky Amy Mayfield (Jennifer
Morrison), is even remotely aware of strange goings-
on as she works on her own film about a serial killer. As in all dopey
horror movies, things squeak and bump alarmingly; there are mysterious power
shutdowns, a full moon behind a veil of wind-swept clouds and shadowy forms
that lurk and occasionally leap.

The heroine stupidly ventures alone into the night to check out
suspicious noises or suggestions of strange events. The killer is
seemingly everywhere and tends to pop up wearing a fencer’s mask of mesh,
as one by one the student body on the isolated campus shrinks. The idea
for viewers is to try to not see the illogic in any of it as they crane for
the next bloodbath. A finale exposes the killer in a theme park
mine-train attraction.

Fellow students are played by relative unknowns: Eva Mendes as a brash
lesbian, Jessica Cauffiel as a screechy wannabe actress, Marco Hofschneider
as an arrogant European cinematographer and Hart Bochner as the devoted
professor.

Matthew Davis plays the handsome stud who seems to suddenly have
a twin brother after he dies in the tower of a campus building. One minute
Amy beds down with the brother, and the next she has a nightmare that he’s
about to rub her out with a dagger while they make love. Not safe sex, so to
speak.


– Advisory: This movie contains graphic violence, sexual references
and strong language.
..

E-mail Peter Stack at pstack@sfchronicle.com.

Along Came a Spider review

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

In this rule prequel to the action-thriller Say farewell to the Girls, Freeman reprise his duty as Washington DC’s Zen detective Alex Waspish, a happily married miscreant profiler, freelancer and catch-penny philosopher who makes galleons as a hobby. But at just now his assurance has been eroded by guilt over the cessation of his consort after a railway carriage disaster at a dam. When Choleric receives a caution free in all directions an abduction send from the perpetrator, he finds himself up against a publicity-seeking psychopath almost as good as on upstaging the Lindbergh cosset kidnapping. Regrettably, every metastasis in this adaptation of James Patterson’s novel is rammed home by the certain score and by the derivative mania of the bold direction. As Cross’s ephemeral late partner, blonde, neat, comely (and unlikely) Quietly Checking cause Fiddle about is a dampish-eyed, spasm-lipped and unseemly defender of a Senator’s 12-year-old daughter Megan (Boorem, stoic). If Freeman’s gravitas, feeling and word lift the film out of the simple, Tamahori’s greater than reliance on his star’s ‘natural dignity’ leaves it tainted by self-intentional positive attitudinising.

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Unforgettable review

Saturday, February 13th, 2010



Unforgettable


A Film Review by James Berardinelli
5.5
United States, 1996
U.S. Release Date: 2/23/96 (wide)
Running Length: 1:57
MPAA Classification: R (Violence, profanity)
Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1

Cast: Ray Liotta, Linda Fiorentino, Peter Coyote, Christopher McDonald, David Paymer, Kim Cattrall,
Kim Coates

Director: John Dahl

Producers: Dino De Laurentiis and Martha De Laurentiis

Screenplay: Bill Geddie

Cinematography: Jeffrey Jur

Music: Christopher Young

U.S. Distributor: MGM

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Some cultures believe that the eye of a dead person retains the last image it sees. In

Unforgettable

, the latest whodunnit/thriller from director John Dahl (


Red Rock West

,

The
Last Seduction


), it's cerebral spinal fluid, not the eye, that provides the picture, but the
basic idea is the same. Using a special serum, it's possible to re-live the final moments of a murder
victim's life, and, in the process, determine the killer's identity. There are a couple of drawbacks,
though. First, those who subject themselves to this process risk having their own minds
contaminated by the personality of the corpse whose memories they are plundering. Second, the
drug that facilitates this procedure damages the heart.

Ray Liotta is Dr. David Kane, a hotshot pathologist based in Seattle. David is a veritable Sherlock
Holmes when it comes to bloodstains and bullet holes, but his uncertain past has left him with few
supporters and fewer friends. Recently, David's lovely wife, Mary, was bludgeoned to death, and
the doctor, who was on a bender at the time, was charged with the crime. After being released on a
technicality, David has devoted his life to learning the killer's identity. For this information, he's
willing to risk everything.

Enter Dr. Martha Briggs (Linda Fiorentino), a university professor who has made an amazing
discovery: a drug that allows a living specimen to experience the memories of any other creature,
living or dead. Thus far, the compound has been used only on rats, but David volunteers his
services as a human guinea pig. When Martha refuses, he breaks into her lab, steals a vial of the
formula, then, using a sample of his late wife's spinal fluid from the medical examiner's office,
prepares to conduct the experiment on his own.


Unforgettable

has an intriguing premise and a fascinating setup, but, somewhere along the
way, Bill Geddie's script degenerates from a unique, concept-based thriller into a routine murder
mystery, complete with a full compliment of red herrings and false leads. As involving as the first
half is, with its glimpses into the minds of the dead, the second half is disappointingly formula-
driven. The plot is structured like a house of cards; ninety minutes into it, someone starts shaking
the table.

The most interesting aspects of

Unforgettable

are glossed over. What happens when a
person experiences the visceral thrill of a psychopath's first kill? How can a man remain sane
when he keeps re-living his wife's murder? And what happens to someone's personality when they
have two, three, or more "lives" jumbled together in their mind?

Unforgettable

poses each
of these questions, but doesn't bother to answer them. For Geddie's screenplay, these issues are
setup — his intent is to present a technologically hip whodunnit. Unfortunately, in the process, he
abandons virgin territory for a burned-out wasteland of recycled contrivances.

Ray Liotta, who is equally capable of playing heroes and villains, is adequate as the obsessed
David, despite the absence of a certain intensity. Linda Fiorentino, apparently recovered from her
disastrous appearance in


Jade


, plays her character with
an appealing vulnerability — quite a change from her role in Dahl's previous effort,

The Last
Seduction

. The supporting cast includes Peter Coyote and Christopher McDonald doing the
good cop/bad cop routine, and David Paymer as Kane's lone friend.

Dahl's direction is never off, even if the script is.

Unforgettable

is energetic and moody,
and there's an eerie, fractured quality to the retrieved memories. But all of that is just so much
icing on a half-baked cake. This motion picture definitely has the wrong title; if anything,

Unforgettable

is completely unmemorable.

© 1996 James Berardinelli

– James Berardinelli

e-mail:



berardin@bc.cybernex.net



trap page:



http://www.cybernex.net/~berardin

EVENING It?s almost comically…

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

EVENING

It?s almost comically appropriate that the opening scene of

Evening

involves a character gazing upon a vision of herself as a young woman, as few stories have ever danced so effortlessly with feminine self-absorption. As the still luminous Vanessa Redgrave (playing Ann Grant) approaches the shore, her other self stares pensively ahead while draped in a sailboat. Add to that an aching sky teeming with fireflies, and all the ingredients are in place for either an eruption of feeling, or a pretentious slog through lost loves, tear-filled compromises, and deathbed realizations. Given the cast — Redgrave, Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Toni Collette, Natasha Richardson — it would seem that at the very least, the sheer force of talent would envelop the banalities, but here is proof enough that even the greatest actors of stage and screen can?t overcome pompous idiocy. No mere chick flick,

Evening

reduces the lives of all women to the man that got away, assuming that the greatest tragedy to befall the fairer sex is not war, rape, famine, or even the death of a child, but rather the blown opportunity to spend eternity with the squarest jaw in Christendom. Women are forever chasing this first, best love, it seems, and if denied to them, they will spend their days pining, hoping, wishing, and enduring loveless marriages and doomed relationships evermore. It?s more than a cloistered life; it?s as if this little patch of Rhode Island real estate were all that was left of a worldwide catastrophe in which every single human being of semiconscious interest died long ago. In their stead, we have twits, drunkards, and fools alike, chattering away while the rest of the world passes them by. It?s a white, privileged, bloodless universe, and asking us to give a shit for a hair under two hours is one of the most unreasonable requests I?ve ever been tendered.

Needless to say, the story alternates from past to present, I?m guessing to ensure that we fully inhale Ann?s shallow sham of a life from two distinct vantage points. At least Redgrave has it easy, though, as she does little more than rot away in bed while occasionally getting up to chase moths like a lunatic. Played as a girl by the impossibly annoying Claire Danes, Ann would have us believe she?s a rebel from Greenwich Village (those aren?t acceptable shoes for an upper-crust wedding, my dear), when in fact she?s as plastic and dull as the bluebloods she mingles with during that fateful weekend so long ago. She?s in town to act as a maid of honor for her school chum Lila (Mamie Gummer), who is marrying Carl (Timothy Kiefer), the sort of man who is all wrong for her because he doesn?t take walks through the woods and name stars after his sweetheart. Ah, but Harris (Patrick Wilson) is just such a fella, and to listen to these broads — past and present — you?d think (hope) he at least found the cure for cancer. Instead, he?s all hunk, and despite being a doctor, he?s a cipher so hilariously thin that you half expect him to rock back and forth whenever called upon to produce a coherent thought. But he is in fact the center of all this, as he effortlessly seduces every woman he meets, I?m guessing because he has the decency to push a woman?s hair out of her face whenever necessary. He had been Lila?s love for many years (she yearned, he didn?t), but now he is falling for Ann, even though Ann is the secret love of Buddy (Hugh Dancy), who just might be gay, as he kissed Harris in a drunken rage. It?s a complicated weekend, to be sure, though one that could have been made much easier had those involved paused and realized that falling in love just might require more than handholding by the shore.

eve2

And so the wedding continues, despite the fact that it is clearly a mistake, and we come to learn that there?s still more love lost and dreams deferred. Before you know it, Buddy is making an alcohol-soaked toast that embarrasses everyone, especially the father, who has no dialogue to speak of, yet is given no less than five close-ups, all of which reveal a stern, disapproving man of regal bearing. The matriarch is played by Ms. Close, who has clearly spent her off years being pulled tighter than a Marine?s bed sheets, and her scenes consist of nothing more than being as stereotypically stuffy as possible. She does everything but offer her guests tea. By the end, when she?s asked to ?act,? she dissolves into a bucket of tears, providing a mournful cry so off-putting that I nearly left the theater in hysterics. At that point, I didn’t need an excuse. Still, she?s not asked to do much, and so answers with very little, and she now has something to book end the Dalmatian movies on her personal wall of shame. She?s supposed to be the first in a long line of women who did what was expected of them rather than what they truly desired, but after one look at this vast estate, I do wonder what would have been considered an improvement. Did she too marry for convenience rather than love? Perhaps, but can we agree that this will be the final movie where such a thing is considered tragic? When poets and dreamers suggest that love is all you need, keep in mind that their scribblings are made possible by trust funds, not come-hither glances by moonlight.

As this is a summer day long ago, someone has to die, and the predictable victim is Buddy, the sad little rich man who is run over by a car while chasing Ann and Harris through the trees. Even more touching, his death grip clutched a piece of paper containing a bit of Ann?s writing from those carefree college years. OK, so Harris looks pretty damn good with a shirt off, but what is Ann?s deal? What accounts for her effect on the men folk? For starters, she?s a singer, though her wedding song sounded more like a funeral dirge for my money. Her tentative, flat tones were enough to earn her a living, though, and as we are reminded again and again in the present, Ann felt so very guilty for dragging her two daughters to smoky nightclubs and seedy jazz joints. Still, I would have expected nothing less from the likes of Ann, as practical employment always manages to elude the very type most apt to curse the heavens over a chipped fingernail as the world burns. And after we meet Ann?s brood (Constance and Nina, played by Richardson and Collette, respectively), we can see that if she?s passed along anything, it is the fanatical push to self-obsess until the head explodes. Nina is morose and rudderless, while Constance lives the dream of a happy home, while also forced to live with the unspeakable tragedy of knowing that healthy kids, a good husband, and a rewarding career might not be enough to find fulfillment. It?s never confirmed that she missed out on some well-built football player from high school or something, but if I had to make a prediction, I?m guessing the man she?s with is not the man she truly wants. And we wonder why the gents want to run away every chance they get.

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By the end, when Meryl Streep finally shows up to bring some class to the whole rotten enterprise, we are so lost and indifferent that it takes us a second to realize that Ann is just about dead upstairs. It?s a long-awaited fade-out, as she has spent her final hours doing little but rehashing old memories and tired anecdotes. Yes, Ann, we know that Harris was very handsome. Oh, he moved to a small town and married a nurse, did he? Well, I never. Sang at Lila?s wedding, did we? Oh my yes, it was a beautiful affair. Of course you were the loveliest creature I ever did see. That dress? I?ll never forget it, my dear. Reduced to skin, bones, and advanced dementia, Ann?s sole concern is forcing those unfortunate enough to be in smelling distance to back off and bask in the light of a woman who

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, dammit, despite the odds. What did she accomplish? What is her legacy to the world? Precious little, I?m afraid, except for the convenient realization that ?there are no mistakes.? This sounds a little too much like making virtue out of necessity for my taste, but maybe the old bat?s entitled to a little rationalization now that she?s on the verge of a dirt nap. Maybe not. After all, how many people do whatever the hell they want their entire lives and still assert that they?ve been helplessly carried along on life?s turbulent sea? It?s a curious type of person indeed, and I can?t fathom why we continue to make movies about them. If just one of these broads understood that disappointment comes only through expectation, then maybe the inspiration would infect our collective bloodstream and put an end to all this silliness. At long last.